I am turning 29 + 1 on Monday. Normally, birthdays come and go and I don’t even notice. I usually don’t care about my age. Besides, “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number”, right?
This year is different. I’m leaving my 20’s. I will be entering my 30’s. A new decade. Scary.
What if I change? What if I become less funny or more serious or too strict or boring? Does your age really change who you are as a person? I don’t know. I’ve always been funny and silly and carefree. But, I look back and see that I am MUCH different at 29 than I was at 19. I’m more serious now. I don’t laugh as much as I used to. Sean and I aren’t as crazy or fun as we were 10 years ago. I guess this goes along with maturing and getting married and starting a family. But I don’t want to be the 30-year-old that takes life too seriously. The boring lady at the party who doesn’t mingle…The lady who doesn’t even get invited to parties anymore.
What if Karen never appears again? (Karen is my alter-ego. She appears when I’ve had a drink….which is rare….as in, she last appeared approximately 7 years ago.) All of these what-ifs are running through my head.
My mind keeps wandering and thinking, and the more it wanders and thinks, the more anxious I get.
I’m a little depressed.
What if I never experience things in my 30’s because I AM 30? What if I was meant to experience these things in my 20’s, but I never did, so now I never will??
A little unsettling.