Maybe this comes as a shock to those of you who know me well, know me as a hopeless romantic, but I actually find Valentine’s Day to be super silly. I mean, every other day of the year it’s not important to tell someone you love them, then all of a sudden, February 14 rolls around, and you have to give cards, candy, flowers, etc. Silly.
With that being said, I got back from my lunch break yesterday at work and had a call from the Security Desk. Something had arrived for me and I needed to come get it. Lo and behold, there was a bouquet of tulips in pink and purple from Sean and Owen. So sweet.
We’ve been having tons of rain here and I’m pretty much sick of it. Is it too much to ask for warmer weather and the sun? Apparently so. And I heard that silly groundhog saw his shadow this year, so 6 more weeks? Ugh!!
I’ve been struggling with guilt lately, mainly because I’m taking my first trip without Owen. I’ve never left him for longer than 24 hours before, so 5 days is a huge jump for me. (If you don’t like reading about breastfeeding, then skip on to the next paragraph.) So, with the disclaimer out of the way, I’m still nursing Owen. I guess I’m a hippy mom, or earth mom, or whatever term you want to use. That’s me. He’s only nursing at night time before bed (we set the timer for 2 minutes….mainly because it’s really starting to annoy me.) He has been waking up this past week about once during the night to nurse, but for a while was going all night without it. I’m almost (selfishly) hoping that this trip will wean him from me. I love the fact I’m still providing him with antibodies and all this good stuff, but I just feel like it’s been almost 3 years. I’m done. I’m BEYOND done. Sometimes I secretly cringe inside when he asks to nurse. I feel my skin crawling and hair standing up on end. I just want to hide. It’s hard to even type that, but that’s exactly how I feel. So…I’m hoping that this trip will be the little shove he we need to get past this.
Mom and I are flying to Oklahoma to spend a few days with my Grams. She’s getting older (who isn’t?) and I feel the need to help out my mom, and do whatever needs to be done. Our last trip to Oklahoma with Owen was wonderful, and I’m so glad my Grams got to see Owen, but it was incredibly stressful. Sean stayed back in Cali and it was hard without a second set of hands. I’m looking forward to this trip, but still dealing with little twinges of guilt every now and then. And the trip is 5 weeks away.
I KNOW that Owen will be fine. I KNOW Sean can take care of him while I’m gone. But its been hard to convince my heart of this.
Okay, I should probably go and clean out the fridge. I swear something in there stinks to high heaven, but I can’t find what it is. Gross.