Making Friends in a New City

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It’s hard, people. Really hard. I feel like it’s my first day of 7th grade all over again. Going to a public school for the first time, HUNDRED of students in the 7th grade class, compared to the 10 that I was used to having. And I’m really awkward when you first meet me. It’s a blessing and a curse, I know.

Cause I ain't no hollaback girl

Owen and I tried out a little indoor playroom that’s within walking distance from our apartment. It’s super cute. It’s called The Playroom (http://theplayroominfo.com/) (I have no idea how to make a pretty link in wordpress….anyone? anyone?) So, anyhoo, Owen and I went there this past Wednesday morning to take advantage of their open play time. Maybe I’m a penny pincher, but $8 seemed a little expensive to me, but it was unlimited play. Owen did end up playing for 2 hours, and I had to carry him out while he was crying to stay longer. So, okay $4 an hour. But still.

So, I walk in wearing my incredibly awesome Beatles Abbey Road t-shirt and my cords, cause I’m kinda a rockstar mom like that. There were a group of 4 moms and their kids there, clearly on a playdate because they all knew each other. The mom conversation stopped, mid sentence, and all stared at me and my child. They even referred to Owen as a “she.” Seriously, ladies? I’m calling him Owen, but in their defense (?) he does have long skater hair. I kept seeing them staring at me, or even pointing at Owen and whispering. I mean, we are all adults, right? Stuff like this doesn’t happen in adulthood, right?? I hate feeling judged by strangers. I hate feeling like the outsider. I hate even more when people talk about my kid.

And it’s really not even the moms….but, mainly it was. I mean, 2 of the little girls came over and took one of the little cups Owen was playing with, right out of his hand. Another girl tried to take his costume OFF OF HIM. Owen just stared at me. Why should it be my job to correct someone else’s child? Maybe I just have different values for Owen, or I expect him to treat other kids with respect. It’s so hard.

Highlight of Wednesday: Owen asked (loudly in front of the moms) if he could try on the princess dress in the costume closet. One of the mom’s dropped her magazine. Priceless.

Owen and I went to the local Barnes and Noble yesterday for story time. There was one other mom there with her daughter, besides Owen and myself. After the stories, Owen and the little girl played together for a bit, and I got to chat with the mom. It’s so rare to not feel judged (obviously) but it was so great to meet another mom like myself. (Co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding friendly, baby carrying, homeschooling, etc.) We ended up chatting for close to an hour, and it felt so wonderful, especially after Wednesday’s judgement.

Am I the only mom who feels judged, in one way or another, by other moms? Why do I feel so insecure about it? It’s not even like I want to be friends with these other moms anyway. Ugh. Parenting is sometimes hard.

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About Erin

I'm a mom to the sweetest little boys ever, Owen & Colin. Owen was born in April of 2007 after 22 hours of active labor in a hospital. Love him more than life. Knowing I didn't feel another hospital birth was right for me, Colin was born at home surrounded by our 2 midwives and our little family. I've been married to my hubs for 7 years. We met in 1997 in an AOL Chatroom...the rest is history. I'm crazy. I'm funny. I am socially awkward. This is my life.

4 responses »

  1. I can totally relate! I’m always so nervous when taking my kids to activities like that. I think it’s because I’m such a young mom (and I look even younger than I actually am) and it makes me feel like the other moms are automatically judging me.
    I agree, parenting is hard!

  2. Totally!! I hate feeling judged, and I am fully aware I don’t look or dress like a 31-year old “should.” Sorry I prefer my purple converses over heels. Geez, wish we lived closer!

  3. First of all, I’m not a parent so I can’t relate to how you are feeling BUT I do know that making friends as an adult can be more difficult than as a child, teen or young adult. (Side note – I just had a really hard time typing in young adult there and accepting that I am an adult now…without the young part at the beginning…)

    You are an amazing person and a wonderful mom and anyone would be blessed to have you as a friend. I am glad that you connected with a like-minded mom at the bookstore. I think starting small is key…it will take a while to build up a group of local friends and it is all about quality, not quantity!

    Oh, and the comment about the woman dropping her magazine when Owen asked to try on the princess dress…I LOVE IT! That mom could certainly learn a lot from you and Owen.

    *hugs*

  4. Before Brooklyn started pre-k we had her at the “upper class” Ardmore day nursery. Not because we are worried about status but because we want Brooklyn to be in the best places. Everyday I would walk in with almost twice my age parents with their kids dressed in baby gap while I was usually rushing in brooklyn’s shoes may have been untied and she most likely didn’t match because she dresses herself for the most part. All of the teachers and staff loved us but I knew the parents of the other children were probably thinking “look at that teen mom, poor thing.” but you know what? Who cares!!!!!!
    You are a great mom an Owen is happy! That’s all that matters!

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