Now that I’m more than halfway through this pregnancy, my mind starts to play tricks on me. (This also happened when I was pregnant with Owen, so I more or less expected it at some point…) What if I can’t push this baby out? What if I seriously just freak the heck out and panic and can’t calm down and I’m stuck at home? I seriously just start to play the “what if” game and my brain won’t turn it off. I get all scared and start crying and really think that I’ll fail at this.
And that’s what I’m afraid of. Failing.
At childbirth. At mothering. At something my body was designed to do. What if I just can’t do it?
I get all worried inside, just like the first day of 7th grade. My first time at a public school with more than 10 kids in my grade level. And I just hear my mom telling me I gonna get an ulcer if I don’t let it go. (For the record, I hated going to school. I would worry myself to sleep at night and wake up with an upset stomach every morning.) I never learned to let it go.
I’m assuming this is normal and all pregnant women go through this at some point, especially when planning a first time home birth. Right? RIGHT??
On a more positive note, I made a delicious batch of cherry limeades, so I’ve been enjoying those lately.
And we get to look at houses on Thursday. Yeah!
I seriously worry too much.