It’s the worst kind of guilt. Trust me. My day has almost been ruined by it. We decided to tackle potty training. And by “we” I really mean “me.” I let Owen pick which day he wanted to ditch the diapers and wear big boy undies. Trips to Chuck E Cheese were promised. All was well, even up until last night at bedtime.
Then, he woke up this morning and all that literally went down the potty.
It took me an hour and a half to convince him to take off his pajama pants and diaper. 90 minutes people. All the while, he is crying hysterical and can’t even get one word out. I tried to be nice, patient, pregnant mom, telling him to use his words, what is he feeling, etc? Then, we hit the 2 hour mark, and somewhere in there I lost it, right along with him. I kept asking him why the tears, I just wanted him to put on the undies. Who even cares about the potty at this point.
He yelled at me.
He has NEVER yelled at me before. Never. Not even once. I know, so insane that a 4 1/2 year old doesn’t yell at his parents, but he doesn’t. He is always so patient and sweet…and I pushed him too hard. And he lost it. And after he yelled at me (for the record, he yelled “I want a diaper”), both he and I had a good long cry. Maybe I cried longer and harder than he did…maybe it’s the pregnancy.
I gave in. I gave him the silly diaper and he put it on and magically, he was back to his old self. Singing the alphabet to me and bringing me some grapes. And now I have guilt.
Is he not ready? Is this a power struggle? Or is this really about me wanting my kid to fit in with the others? He’ll be 5 in April…shouldn’t he wear undies??
I give up. It’s not worth the tears and frustration and huge amount of guilt on my part. And it’s not worth crushing his spirit so that I can say We Did It.
He’s asleep next to me on the couch, his little feet running in his sleep because I’m sure he’s having a dream. And he’s happy. He’s healthy. He’s so smart. He’s thriving. He LOVES unconditionally. So what if he wears diapers?