Mommy Guilt

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It’s the worst kind of guilt. Trust me. My day has almost been ruined by it. We decided to tackle potty training. And by “we” I really mean “me.” I let Owen pick which day he wanted to ditch the diapers and wear big boy undies. Trips to Chuck E Cheese were promised. All was well, even up until last night at bedtime.

Then, he woke up this morning and all that literally went down the potty.

It took me an hour and a half to convince him to take off his pajama pants and diaper. 90 minutes people. All the while, he is crying hysterical and can’t even get one word out. I tried to be nice, patient, pregnant mom, telling him to use his words, what is he feeling, etc? Then, we hit the 2 hour mark, and somewhere in there I lost it, right along with him. I kept asking him why the tears, I just wanted him to put on the undies. Who even cares about the potty at this point.

And then.

He yelled at me.

He has NEVER yelled at me before. Never. Not even once. I know, so insane that a 4 1/2 year old doesn’t yell at his parents, but he doesn’t. He is always so patient and sweet…and I pushed him too hard. And he lost it. And after he yelled at me (for the record, he yelled “I want a diaper”), both he and I had a good long cry. Maybe I cried longer and harder than he did…maybe it’s the pregnancy.

I gave in. I gave him the silly diaper and he put it on and magically, he was back to his old self. Singing the alphabet to me and bringing me some grapes. And now I have guilt.

Is he not ready? Is this a power struggle? Or is this really about me wanting my kid to fit in with the others? He’ll be 5 in April…shouldn’t he wear undies??

I give up. It’s not worth the tears and frustration and huge amount of guilt on my part. And it’s not worth crushing his spirit so that I can say We Did It.

He’s asleep next to me on the couch, his little feet running in his sleep because I’m sure he’s having a dream. And he’s happy. He’s healthy. He’s so smart. He’s thriving. He LOVES unconditionally. So what if he wears diapers?

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About Erin

I'm a mom to the sweetest little boys ever, Owen & Colin. Owen was born in April of 2007 after 22 hours of active labor in a hospital. Love him more than life. Knowing I didn't feel another hospital birth was right for me, Colin was born at home surrounded by our 2 midwives and our little family. I've been married to my hubs for 7 years. We met in 1997 in an AOL Chatroom...the rest is history. I'm crazy. I'm funny. I am socially awkward. This is my life.

One response »

  1. What you’re describing is EXACTLY how it was with my son and I when we went through potty-training just a few short months ago! The hysterical crying for a diaper, the sudden snap-out-of-it as soon as he had it again, etc. It really shook me up, too. Hang in there and it really will be over before you know it! And congratulations on the new baby on the way!

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